Time to Schedule Your Quaaltagh

This is very important for your future, pay attention. You only have a day left to implement your 2022 quaaltagh plan. Why was 2021 such a piece of crap? Because none of us actually took the time to make a halfway decent quaaltagh plan. Take it seriously this year, and we’ll undoubtedly have a better 2022.

Where did the word “Quaaltagh” come from?

As certifiable cat-ladies, when we hear the word “Manx” we think of the adorable cat version of a corgi. You know, the cats with the stumpy tail, or even no tail at all? So adorbs.

Well, it turns out to be a language, too. Before the cat, “Manx” originally referred to the Celtic-based language spoken on the Isle of Man, which is a small island in the Irish Sea. Which is, coincidentally enough for this article, the language that gives us the wonderful word quaaltagh. (Just so you know, “qualtagh” is also a spelling option, but 3 A’s are objectively much more fun.)

What is a quaaltagh?

Quaaltagh is a word meaning, specifically, the very first person who walks through your door on New Year’s Day. The nature of this person will affect your luck in the new year. What are the main quaalities we look for in a good quaaltagh? Different cultures have different traditions. Of course almost all of the Venn diagrams intersect at handsome young eligible male bachelor with dark hair being the luckiest type.

I’ve heard a rumor that in some times and places, people with these desirable traits have actually rented themselves out as professional quaaltaghs. If you fit the local expectations, we’d highly endorse this as a career, compared to those we foolishly decided to get degrees for. Expect to be way too busy on New Year’s (and in some places, on Christmas), but the rest of the year would be pretty much retirement. Nice work if you can get it.

What specific kind of quaaltagh should you solicit?

If you have no interest in a handsome young eligible bachelor (*ahem*) I’m going to go ahead and say you can set your own expectations and parameters. What type of person would you consider lucky? Perhaps the luckiest quaaltagh would be a manx cat; we wouldn’t object to a merry, tailless new year’s cat wandering over our doorstep. But if your ideal quaaltagh just happens to be a middle aged woman with a penchant for sarcasm and a taste for the macabre…please hire us. We could really use the work this time of year.

What are your new year’s traditions?

We love the lucky quaaltagh concept. But let’s be honest…even if you hire a professional, this situation is still a little hard to control. We don’t want to be a dick about not letting anyone else into the house if the quaaltagh is running late. What to do? In just a few days, we’ll be releasing an episode about our family new year’s good luck rituals. Neither includes a quaaltagh, so we are positive that there are other ways to usher in the new year for good fortune. All we ask is that you take some action, because we just aren’t ok with another 2021.