Listen Now!

Or get this episode from YouTube:

Episode Summary: How to Ward Against Annoying Spirit Energy

You can work hard to ward your home from evil entities. But sometimes, something can still slip past. Perhaps you didn’t consider warding your driveway, or your roommates’ friends. Or perhaps, something just keeps coming back when you’re all alone in the house.

Today we speak with returning guest Laura Tempest Zakroff. Last time she spoke with us, she taught us all about the use of sigils in witchcraft. Now, she tells us stories about the chilling paranormal experiences she has had that have made her particularly attentive to warding her home against evil spirits.

About the Guest, Laura Tempest Zakroff

Tempest of Rhode Island is an award-winning author, an artist, a performer, and a witch, among other things. She teaches workshops and classes on the art of sigil craft and more. She’s published 11 books and oracle decks for your various modern witchcraft needs.

You can access her live workshops, social media, and store through her website. Keep up with her books and workshops on her social: IG: @owlkeyme.arts, Twitter: @LTempestZ, FB: facebook.com/lauratempestzakroff or YouTube. Becky avidly devours the exclusive content Tempest posts on Patreon, and can’t wait for her new Sigil Witchery Oracle Deck to go on sale.

How do Wards work to protect your house from evil spirits and energy?

Lurking basement creep energy. Trash panda gremlin energy. Thank goodness Tempest is so good at crafting wards! Because that’s just what happens when you get that many witches in one spot.

Can you accidentally trap an entity inside with wards?

As Tempest says in this episode, we rarely think to ward or cleanse liminal spaces, like driveways. Also, we tend to think of the “entrances” of our home as the places where an adult human would be likely to enter the house. Few of us would think to ward our chimney, dog door, or the hole in the side of the house where the dryer vents through, even though technically these are all entrances (or at least exits) to our homes.

But as we know, ghosts don’t follow silly corporeal rules. According to many belief systems, spirits can walk right through walls, meaning anywhere could be an entrance. Perhaps that’s why practices like Feng Shui ward every inch of the home (in a sense), including solid walls. (Although if they pass through walls freely, how do ghosts get stuck in corners?)

How else can a ghost get into your house?

Instead of doors and windows, ghosts might enter our home through flowing water in a bathroom, electrical current to an appliance, a cursed object, or attached to a person. These alternative conduits could be particularly useful for spirits if our attics sport protective witch windows, and our porch ceilings are painted haint blue, a ward in itself.

We’re also constantly being told that spirits expect a certain amount of being treated like living humans. In some cultures, they get a seat at the table long after death. Perhaps some spirits hold themselves to that standard, and only enter homes through doorways like proper living folks. Even still, if a spirit felt trapped inside my home by the wards on my front and back doors, I’d like to believe they could choose to quietly slip out the vents in my soffits.

Wards, like much magick, are all about intention.

If spirits do follow human rules as some sort of psychological habit, however, it’s possible that wards work simply because someone with enough inherent magic has set the intention that they will. In that case, it doesn’t really matter where you put your wards. At least, not to the spirits. Placing your ward somewhere visibly prominent might remind you that you have it, and placing it near a doorway reminds you what it’s there for. If magick=intention, then the reminder to the caster might be all the spirit needs to respect the ward. In that case, setting wards with the intention that they should keep evil spirits out of your home, not in your home, should be all that you require for a successful protection spell.

Does sage evict good house spirits, too?

Tempest’s Italian Sicilian mom taught her to keep a clean house that’s full of meaningful, yet tidy belongings. The importance of the care and feeding of beneficial house spirits is kind of a thing in that culture, as you’ll recall from last year’s stories about La Bella Umbriana. Tempest prefers wards to sage because she worries that the beneficial spirits in her home might be evicted with the evil ones. After all, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of sage.

Read Tempest’s book Weave the Liminal for more tips on creating helpful wards in your home without ousting beneficial spirits or trapping ghosts inside.

Witches Night Out Market

Are you local to Rhode Island? Check out the Witches Night Out Market Tempest brought to New England when she moved from Seattle. They’re a group of local witches and magical practitioners based in the New England area. The goal is to build and strengthen the local community through networking, education, and creative events.

How do you ward your home against evil spirits?

Do you display a hamsa or a nazar in your house? We’ve released some content on Patreon about our various ward experiences, but I think it’s time we delve deeper. Stay tuned for more traditions, folklore, and superstitions about warding a home from evil spirits soon. Check out Skepticism with a side of Jewish Mysticism for a spooky day in the meantime!

The post When Your Roommate’s Friend Brings a Gremlin appeared first on Homespun Haints.

Episode Summary: Disgusting Paranormal Stories

For years, Becky has given Diana shit about the haunted mirror she purchased at a yard sale and then recklessly hung in an energetically charged bathroom. But the story she tells me today tops every bizarre thing that has happened to her since she brought that cursed mirror home and put it over the potty. I’m still scratching my head about this story, and I really hope that you, dear Hainted Love, can help us figure out what the hell she saw in the mirror.

Dare to question your own reality? Listen to today’s episode for some black humor about the black hole within the black mirror over the blackwater in Diana’s haunted bathroom.

Episode Show Notes About Gross Haunted Bathroom Stories

Another Paranormal Story about Bathroom Portals

It might be too late now, but if you haven’t heard the prelude to this story, go check out the original toilet teleportation story. This has been happening to Diana since she was a tween. Nowadays they don’t disturb her as much as they once did. But she’s still quite bamboozled as to the nature of these experiences, and what they mean.

As a reminder, in the past few decades, more and more bonafide physicists have entertained the idea that there are invisible portals that connect different dimensions, magnetic fields, and worlds. We just have a hard time seeing them. In 2011, Harvard professor Lisa Randall published a book, Knocking on Heaven’s Door. In it, she describes unseen extra dimensions that exist alongside our own. Smithsonian has a great article about it.

Black Holes and White Holes

If these extra dimensions exist, then can they be accessed? Perhaps through black holes, explains Now. Or, more interestingly, perhaps we already know where some of them are. At least, in the case of magnetic portals, as described by this study from NASA.

According to some, a wormhole could exist between a black and a white hole. These could be “portals,” in a sense. They bend light. They mess with time. You know, basically that weird shit Diana saw in her haunted bathroom mirror. Hey, it’s a theory, at least! What’s yours?!

My Paranormal Period: a Traumatic Potty Story

Dear God, it’s Diana, and I want to know, why can’t I have a normal haunting experience like all my friends? How come when I have paranormal experiences, they tend to involve toilets and bodily fluids? Will I ever learn to shut my mouth before jokes about menstruating ectoplasm come out of it? Hainted Loves, we are continuously amazed and grateful that you stick with us despite our filthy dirty potty mouths and all the disgusting and only vaguely paranormal stories we tell.

And remember, these episodes are edited for content. Can you imagine what we sound like unfiltered? Well, our Patrons already know! We post the stories that end up too spicy and/or gross for the general public on our Patreon as well as our normal ghost story interviews ad-free. It’s a great sneak preview for what we sound like live. When we finally kick off our eventual live haunted world tour, we hope you’ll come and see us, and also, well, we warned you, Japan.

But why does Diana keep falling into these portals while in the bathroom? Would you buy this haunted mirror full of portals and hang it in your home? What room would you put it in? Would you attempt to trap people in it? Would you attempt to seal it off so nothing comes out of it? Whatever happens with it, it’s guaranteed to cause a spooky day!

The post Black Mirror, Black Hole appeared first on Homespun Haints.

One theory posits that water amplifies spiritual energy. Water can have an impact on human behavior and emotion, in both normal and paranormal contexts. This same spiritual amplification makes it easier for ghosts and spirits to travel through liquid than solid objects, or even air. But instead of moving through he liquid by displacing molecules, ghosts may travel through water similar to the way electricity does. Many people believe that ghosts can use water as a conduit to interact with the living world. From lakes and oceans, to swimming pools and hot tubs, there have been countless cases of ghosts communicating with people through water.

Exploring the Link Between Water and Ghosts 

Because water is a medium between the physical and spiritual worlds, it is quite possible that ghosts use water as a conduit for manifestation. The theory suggests that by using the energy found within water, ghosts are able to create an environment where they can interact with the living world. Paranormal television shows and movies often depict water as being a source of ghostly activity.

For example, since ancient times, many cultures have believed that drowning victims become ghostly guardians who protect their surrounding waters from evil forces. Several cultures have practiced the intentional sacrifice of a living being at the construction of bridges. This construction sacrifice is believed to create a perpetual protector.

Listen to an episode about ghosts and bridges:

Do ghosts use water as a conduit for manifestation?

When it comes to ghosts using water as a conduit for manifestation, there are a couple of theories. Here are two of them. One theory suggests that when ghosts come into contact with large bodies of water, such as lakes or oceans, they are able to draw on the energy from those waters and use it to manifest themselves on earth. The other theory proposes that when spirits come into contact with smaller bodies of water like streams or rivers, they are able to draw on their own energy. This allows the ghost to create an environment where they can interact with the living world without drawing too much attention. 

In addition to providing a medium for ghostly manifestations, water also plays an important role when it comes to humidity and temperature levels in an area. When there is an increase in humidity or temperature levels in an area due to high levels of moisture in the air (such as near a river or lake), it can lead to increased paranormal activity. Sightings of apparitions or cold spots may be more common in humid areas. This could be because higher humidity makes it easier for spirits and other supernatural entities to manifest physically on earth. The ghosts are using the water vapor suspended in the air as a conduit.

Are there any famous places that are haunted because of water?

The Bermuda Triangle is perhaps one of the best-known examples of a paranormal phenomenon related to water. This area of ocean between Miami, Bermuda, and Puerto Rico is notorious for its mysterious disappearances. Many planes and hundreds of ships have vanished without a trace there over the years. The disappearances have been attributed to everything from alien abductions to supernatural forces. Some believe that underwater geologic activity—such as powerful methane gas bubbles or unexpected currents—could be responsible for the disappearances in the Bermuda Triangle. And yet, there’s a strong air of paranormal mystery and fear surrounding the unexplained occurrences in the area.

Perhaps because of its vastness, the Earths oceans serve as hiding places for several mythical lands. One of the most famous supernatural places is the Lost City of Atlantis. Thought to be an ancient civilization with inexplicably complex technology, Atlantis purportedly disappeared beneath the sea, and yet still exists and flourishes today. Atlanteans may be normal humans, surviving underwater all this time because of (alien?) technology.

Some say they were chosen by a deity to survive bad times within a protective underwater environment. Perhaps they used their advanced technology to evolve somehow into something that’s no longer quite human. Or perhaps Atlantians were a cross-breed of humans and…insert your favorite paranormal entity here. Does their being not quite human, plus believed in by many yet never quite proven to exist, qualify Atlanteans as cryptids? Or are they a supernatural race that’s not quite corporeal, like elves? Either way, they’re not the only underwater-dwelling paranormal entities.

Water and paranormal entities

The Loch Ness Monster is probably the most famous paranormal entity that involves water in the Western world. One popular theory suggests that Nessie is a prehistoric creature that somehow survived extinction. It’s actually possible for a prehistoric species to survive an extinction event by hiding underwater. Others attribute her to something more otherworldly. And, of course, many claim she’s just a hoax. Most of the theories revolving around Nessie imply she’s an actual physical being, and not a spirit.

There are many more supernatural entities associated with water in Eastern mythology, both corporeal and non-corporeal in nature.

Many of the creatures living deep in the ocean just feel paranormal or alien to us humans. We might associate deep water with the paranormal simply because it’s just so foreign to us land-dwellers. But is there something special about water in general that allows supernatural creatures to flourish?

How does water help spirits manifest?

Static electricity increases when salt or other substances are added to water. This is due to the electrical current generated by ions in the water. The ions may also create an environment conducive to carrying spiritual energy from one place to another. It would thus make sense to assume that salt water is, on average, more haunted than fresh water. But on the other hand, bodies of freshwater tend to be much smaller than the vast saltwater oceans. It’s possible humans experience more freshwater hauntings than saltwater hauntings simply because we have interactions with a higher percentage of bodies of freshwater. There may be many hauntings deep in the ocean we’ve yet to experience.

Scientific studies have shown that bodies of water contain higher concentrations of electromagnetic fields (EMFs) than the surrounding air and land. We’ve covered in the past how ghosts may use EMFs to manifest or communicate with the living. The high EMFs of large bodies of water could explain why so many people report paranormal activity near lakes, rivers and oceans. Many people have reported seeing apparitions rising out of the ocean or lake just before dawn or at dusk – times when EMF levels are at their highest.

Listen to our episode about EMF fields:

These experiences are not limited to natural or large bodies of water. There are also numerous reports of supernatural experiences in bathtubs! Some people claim they have seen entities emerge from bathwater during deep meditation sessions—an experience which further suggests that EMFs play a role in connecting us with the spirit world. 

Do ghosts use water to travel?

It seems clear that water plays an important role in paranormal activity and ghostly manifestations. By understanding how spirits use water as a conduit for interaction with our world, we can better understand how they manifest themselves in our lives and how we can better protect ourselves from unwanted encounters with them. All things considered, it seems likely that paranormal entities may indeed make use of our vast waterways as a way to move freely between different locations across the globe without being detected by humans—if only we could figure out how they do it!

Our guests have had some theories, based on their first-hand experiences with the paranormal having to do with water. Listen to some of these spooky water-related ghost stories to inspire some thoughts on how ghosts and paranormal entities interact with water.

• What Do We Smell Like To Monsters?
• It Came Up The Drain!
• The Slimy Butt Burglar and other Distractible Creatures
• Haunted Waters of the Holston River

After you listen, please comment with your theories! We’d love to hear about your thoughts, and if you have any personal supernatural water stories, please consider telling them on our show! That way we can all have a spooky day.

The post How Ghosts Use Water as a Conduit for Manifestation appeared first on Homespun Haints.

Listen right here:

Or get this episode on YouTube:

Italian Folklore About Ghosts

Katy Sewall and Tiffany Parks of the Bittersweet Life Podcast relay tales about the ghosts of Beatrice Cenci and Olimpia Maidalchini, who still wander the bridges in the city of Rome, Italy. However, these podcast hosts have additional, personal ghost stories from their original home town of Seattle, WA.

Every city has its ghosts. Whether you live in an ancient town filled with ruins from another era, or you wander streets built within your lifetime, you cannot escape the whispers of the dead, filling the cracks in the pavement and the spaces between the walls.

For Katy and Tiffany, who live on opposite sides of the world, this has become very apparent. When you hear their stories, you might begin to wonder what’s lurking in your favorite restaurant, on your favorite bridge, or in your own backyard.

Sponsored by Witch Baby Soap

Not much compares to the sensory smorgasbord of Witch Baby bath products. We use them ourselves to wash away our sins and recharge for more bad behavior. For a limited time, use code HOMESPUN for 15% off your order at witchbabysoap.com.

About the Guests, Katy Sewall and Tiffany Parks

Katy Sewall is an award-winning senior public radio producer and host, writer, and podcast consultant. Tiffany Parks is an author, travel writer, and tour guide. The two were childhood friends in Seattle, WA, and reconnected while living abroad in Rome, Italy. Together, they created and host The Bittersweet Life podcast, which they’ve kept alive for 10 years and counting. In their words, “What began as a podcast about what it means to live abroad has become a dynamic examination of what it means to live.”

Keep up with Katy, Tiffany, and The Bittersweet Life on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. If you’re not sure what episode to start with, episode 452 is the one where they interview us.

Haunted Bridges are a Worldwide Trope

What is it about bridges that makes them so prone to hauntings? Becky posits it’s the liminal space between shores, plus the energy of the flowing water beneath. There are also old traditions involving human sacrifices to influence bridge fortunes. These are a subclass of construction sacrifices, a practice that used to be popular in many different cultures.

In some cases, construction sacrifices were committed to intentionally haunt new structures. This could be to ensure that the structure wouldn’t feel the need to take any more lives, as it was already appeased. Sacrificing an innocent spirit by tying it to a structure also served to repel evil spirits. In the South, we leave abandoned wasp nests up to prevent new wasps from building nests nearby. We think the practice of construction sacrifice proves that ghosts are as territorial as wasps.

Roman locations from these Italian Folklore stories

Here are some of the Italian locations Tiffany referenced, if you’d like to try to see if the folklore is true by doing your own ghost hunting.

• Castel Sant’Angelo.
• Ponte Sant’Angelo bridge where the spirit of Beatrice Cenci appears on the night of September 10th, head in her arms.
• Museum of the Holy Souls in Purgatory.
• Ponte Sisto, haunted by Olimpia Maidalchini on January 7th.
• The palace of Pope Innocent X in Piazza Navona.
• Kell’s Irish Pub (ok ok, this one is in Seattle, not Italy, but it still has a bathroom full of portals).
• The Crypt of the Capuchin Monks.
• Chiesa di Santa Maria dell’Orazione e Morte, where a skeleton bears the phrase “Hodie mihi, cras tibi.”

Speaking of which…

Does that church really specialize in fishing bodies out of the Tiber river?

The Church of St. Mary of Prayer and Death has provided the poor with funerals, burial, and prayer for nearly 500 years. This also included unidentified bodies from the Tiber River. The church used to have tunnels connecting it to the river, where the bodies were stored and prepared for burial. At one point, the church contained the remains of over 8000 bodies. And of course, in old world Roman Catholic tradition, those bones make up some gorgeous décor within the church.

Escape Woods at Sleepy Hollow Farm

In case you happen to be in Atlanta, check out the farm Becky and Diana reference in this episode! Don’t fret that it’s after spooky season; they have creepy immersive escape room experiences all year. One of their escape rooms takes place in the actual cabin where scenes from Stranger Things were filmed.

Are these ghostly Italian folk stories true?

Tiffany says that these are documented, verified events that actually took place around Rome. Are these Italian locations really haunted by these famous ghosts? We can’t wait to visit and find out for ourselves! Let us know in the comments if you’ve been to any of these haunted places in Rome. And in the meantime, passa una giornata spaventosa!

The post The Spirits of Medieval Rome appeared first on Homespun Haints.

Listen here:

Then, listen to the bonus episode, Italian House Spirits Can Make or Break your Home Renovation:

Episode Summary: Familiar Italian Ghosts

Every family has its own unique traditions. Our ancestors’ culture, our current location, and our religion all shape the rituals we do without even thinking, even if these rituals seem foreign, or even occultish, to those outside of our family unit.

Today we explore Italian folk magic from the perspective of Lisa, an author who shares the unique traditions her grandmother brought into her family. And, of course, there’s ghosts involved. Listen above for the full interview.

About the Guest: Lisa Marie Basile

Today’s guest grew up in an area of New Jersey steeped in Italian-American culture. Her view of the supernatural was shaped by her Italian dad, her Sicilian mom, and her magical-realist grandmother. Lisa founded, edits, and writes for Luna Luna Magazine (for which Alexandra Cohl interviewed Becky). She also founded ritual poetica. She authored The Magical Writing Grimoire, Light Magic for Dark Times, and City Witchery.

Connect with Lisa on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter to read more of her writing and keep up with her publications at her website, lisamariebasile.com.

Italian Ghost Folklore and Folk Magic

“Italian folk magic” is an outsider term. Most of the actual people who originally developed and still engage in this practice would never call it magic. Lisa explains that, from the inside, it’s viewed more as a series of folk traditions. These traditions blended with the mysticism of old Catholicism to become more spiritual than magical in nature. Benedicaria is therefore probably a more authentic term.

Benedicaria and ghost folklore varies between regions of Italy and even individual families. Do you recognize any of the following?

La Bella Umbriana

One of the most popular Italian house spirits from ghost folklore, La Bella Umbriana or Bella ‘Mbriana is usually a beneficial presence. According to the folklore, she is the lovelorn ghost of an Italian princess who wanders the streets of Naples in misery and madness. The king, her father, was said to reward families who offered her shelter in their homes. Carrying on the tradition, families may leave a chair open for her at the dinner table, greet her spirit upon entering their house, or honor her by keeping the home tidy and peaceful. In return, her presence can grant beauty, youth, protection, and wealth. Gently billowing curtains dappled with early afternoon sunbeams are a good sign that Bella ‘Mbriana is content with the state of the house.

But like any gorgeous, spurned, and slightly pazza Italian woman, it’s a very bad idea to get on Bella ‘Mbriana’s shit list. There is a Neapolitan idiom: “Casa accunciata morte apparicchiata.” This phrase roughly means something like “death will follow home renovations.” See, Bella ‘Mbriana highly values a safe, quiet home kept in perfect order. And nothing causes disorder in a home like renovations, or even, heaven forbid, moving. While you might be able to see past the rubble and wreckage to the promise of a future open kitchen or garden tub, Bella ‘Mbriana can’t. She’s a spirit, after all. She hears the saws sawing and hammers hammering, sees the exposed studs in demolished walls, and says “that’s it, I’m gonna kill somebody.”

Il Munaciello

The Munaciello, or the Little Monk, is a poltergeist-style sprite with various origin stories. He sneaks into your home through the plumbing. Not a challenge for him, with his small stature. Also the fact that, in 15th century Naples, “plumbing” was basically just a well. Mischevious and vengeful, il Munaciello may hide or steal your possessions. He may also break your dishes, blow in your ears while you sleep, and even grope your butt.

But having been abused and shunned in life for his unusual appearance, his spirit can sympathize with those who act strong in the face of misfortune and adversity. When you gain his sympathy, il Munaciello may sneak in to hide coins in your house. He may even leave little riddles that may reveal lucky lotto numbers. Are you thinking “I don’t want the ghost of a spiteful deformed child monk creeping up through my drains even if he does leave me a shiny quarter, thankyouverymuch”? Maintain a healthy relationship with Bella ‘Mbriana, and she’ll help prevent il Munaciello‘s nocturnal B&E.

Witches and Witch Hunts

It took a good long while for the more remote regions of Italy to transition from paganism to Christianity. When witch hunts hit their heyday in the 15th century, many Italians were secretly still involved in pagan cults. Regional folklore began to twist the narrative to reflect the pagan cultists as evil supernatural beings. While “witches” is a reasonable translation, in the stories they remind me more of fairies. Le Janare would impersonate human women. The infamous Malleus Maleficarum was written to help identify and persecute them. But before the inquisitors officially mansplained the supposed secrets to catching a janara, folk wisdom advised to just leave a bag of salt in the doorway. Much like the strzyga, the janara would be compelled to count all the grains of salt. This task would keep her occupied until sunrise. Since witches are nocturnal, that was usually enough to avoid major problems.

Unlike the more generic Janare (likely of the cult of Diana), there were also some very specific witchy boogeywomen. La Zucculara (likely of the Cult of Hecate) liked to play ding-dong-ditch while wearing loud clogs (or maybe hooves?). La Manalonga (likely of the cult of WTF) used her loooooong arms to reach out of wells and snatch you to your watery death. Tales of these spooky ghost-like “witches” of Italian folklore served to reinforce the connotation of paganism as evil. So you can see why a good Roman Catholic who practices folk traditions would strongly prefer the term Benedicare to “folk magic.”

Don’t feed the spirits

Lisa tells us that, in her family traditions, the way to avoid a haunting was to avoid feeding the spirits. While this might sound simple (just don’t leave food out, right?) it’s actually a metaphor. Spirits are said to feed on discontent. Therefore, the best way to keep them hungry is to embrace the light, and live a complaint-free life.

We hope you enjoyed this delicious lesson in Italian ghost folklore and folk magic!

We had a blast chatting with Lisa, and can’t wait to devour all of her elegant magical written words. If you’re ready to delve deeper into the practice of writing as ritual and poetry as spellcraft, we believe Lisa can take you there.

The post Lean Into The Mystery appeared first on Homespun Haints.

The Monster in the Toilet Tormented Me as a Child

From a young age, my parents told the tale of woe of all the little children who sat on the commode for longer than their allotted 1.35 minutes. They warned me how my bare ass would be a tantalizing treat for the evil toilet monster, who somehow exists in every rural home.

Not an urban legend, but a rural one

In my adult years, I have met few others whose parents also scared them into spending less time on the toilet. But one thing all of us who heard these monster tales shared: we grew up in rural areas of Appalachia. I’m sure other areas of the world have beasts similar to the monster in my toilet of yore: you might could equate the toilet monster with the toilet snakes in Florida, the sewer gators in New York.

What Does The Toilet Monster Look Like?

Different from these more plausible creatures, the toilet monster does not have a specific form or shape. His color, his teeth, his number of eyes, are all left to the wilds of the child’s imagination. You might call the toilet monster a a one-size-fits-all nightmare.

We made this documentary video to help you visualize the unspeakable horrors that lurk below. You’re welcome!

Where Does the Toilet Monster Come From?

The toilet monster lives in your septic tank. If you’re on a sewer or use an outhouse, you may not have to worry as much about this particular cryptid. (You probably contend with other creatures.)

When anyone in the household squats down to use the facilities, they unknowingly lure the toilet monster out of his stinky cave and up through the pipes. Everyone who takes the risk of using an indoor toilet must finish their business quickly before the toilet monster can make his way to the surface.

How Does the Toilet Monster Attack?

If you are having a particularly bad day digestive-wise, or if you decide to use the throne as a library seat, this despicable plumbing-savvy monster rises from the murky water to do unspeakable things to your derriere. And, as my parents described to me in great details, once you’re in the clutches of the toilet monster, there’s no escape. He reaches straight up through the toilet seat and grabs you in your most vulnerable areas (I imagine quite like a bowling ball) and pulls you down into the toilet.

Where does it take you?

Stuck in the toilet monster’s clenches, you’re wrenched through the pipes, special delivery, into the septic tank. There, you scrabble for purchase in the slippery, dark depths. You scream, but no one can hear you. It’s too late. You’re fated to die a grotesque death on the fumes of your family’s farts.

Sewer Monsters From Antiquity

Apparently, the 2nd century book Aelian’s “On the Characteristics of Animals” contained the first known written account of a toilet monster. In that case it was an Octopus, but what else would you expect a rampaging animal from an ancient Greek sewer to be? I’m just glad to know my family wasn’t the first.

Is the Toilet Monster Real?

The answer to that question depends on your definition of “monster.” It may interest you to know that there are indeed real dangerous animals that can indeed come up out of your toilet and getcha. How fun!

A real toilet monster…snake?

Listen to this funny podcast episode, where I challenge my friends with this awesome quiz on the top three most dangerous animals that people actually find when they lift the toilet lid. I’m not sure how a monster snake of that size fits in the u-bend, but given the snake-to-seat distance, I’m learning to pee standing up.

Is the Toilet Monster a Hoax?

You’re probably thinking of the time one man convinced the entire world that there were alligators in the NYC sewer system. This awesome monster prank has even been commemorated in a bronze statue.

Speaking of an awesome monster prank…

If you wanted to perpetrate your own awesome monster prank, I suppose you could use suction cups to attach a fake pop-up monster to the toilet seat to scare your friends. Believe it or not, there’s a product for that. After all, who doesn’t love a good laugh at the expense of their friends’ lifelong trauma? Have fun pranking friends, you heartless monster.

Effect of the toilet monster on adulthood

To this day, I am quick on the commode. A small tickle in the back of my brain still warns me if more than 80 seconds have passed while I’m engaging in fecal transfer. When my friends spend too much time in the throne room, I get antsy. Don’t they know how they’re toying with their own fates?

Have You Ever Heard of the Toilet Monster Before?

So, in case you did not grow up under the advisement of sadistic parents, you now are aware. Tell your friends about the monster in my toilet, who might very well be in yours. Be warned, be safe, and most of all, poop quickly.

The post What is the Toilet Monster? appeared first on Homespun Haints.

Listen right here.

Real Life Ghosts and Monsters

Do monsters eat negative energy? We know many children are able to see ghosts, but Michele and her sister held onto that ability well into adulthood. Which is why it’s so apropos that she lived in a house where a recently deceased former resident made her presence known through bizarre plumbing glitches. One night, after an angry, unresolved fight with her then partner, Michele’s sister went to bed in the guest room with Michele for solidarity. And it’s a good thing they were sharing that bed and not alone that night, considering there was suddenly, terrifyingly, something else in the room. Something that thought her sister smelled…tasty?

Episode Promotions

Our episode promo is from Lady Teal’s Curios. You might remember Lady Teal from several of our live séances, including the first, where we talked with tarot to haunted objects.

Other links to check out

The Pink House

Check out The Pink House, a touching memoir of triumph and sisterhood written by Michele’s mother.

A winery you should look into

Michele mentioned Hidden Hangar Vineyards, one of her favorite wineries in Texas. Check it out if you’re a Lone-Star oenophile.

About the Guest: Michele

Michele is a pilot, a writer and a sommelier. A sommelier, as far as we understand it, is a professional drinker who helps us philistines figure out how to wine. Not like in a course for credit, but usually on-the-fly, tableside. Michele tells us that the North-Central Texas climate is perfect for growing Tempranillo, a Spanish varietal red wine grape. As a sommelier, she might might tell us that Tempranillo grapes make “medium- to full-bodied reds of moderate to high levels of tannins and acidity,” taste like “a mix of red and dark fruits, including cherry and plum, as well as earth and herbal notes;” that “its acidity can sometimes be citrusy and orange peel–like,” and that its traditional oak aging is what causes the vanilla and cocoa flavors in the final product.

We, as novices, had to get that info from Wine Spectator. It would be too embarrassing to try to look this up on our phones while we’re trying to choose a wine to pair with our red meat and roasted root veggies. The sommelier saves the day and saves our face by educating us in a way that we could nod along to. “Yes, orange-peely, that’s exactly what I was thinking.”

Could the filled-in pool in the backyard cause occurrences of real life ghosts?

Would filling an in-ground pool with cement cause the type of weird plumbing issues Michele experienced in the bathrooms of her sister’s haunted house? There is actually a wikiHow for the appropriate way to fill in your unwanted in-ground concrete pool. Note that filling it with cement is not the advisable way. Recommendations include busting holes in the bottom of the concrete pool for drainage (otherwise the empty pool might float up out of the ground when the water table rises) and filling it with dirt, sand, or crushed rocks.

Even with proper drainage and filled with dirt, the structure may continue to settle for a long time. This makes it against building code to build a structure on top of the filled-in pool. We’re guessing that means if you neglected poking drainage holes and filled the pool with concrete, it’s going to settle quite a bit more, just due to the massive weight of a solid block of concrete buried in dirt. That type of settling might cause some havoc with the pipes buried under the yard. Although you would think that whoever put the pool there in the first place would have avoided putting it directly over plumbing, you never know.

But some of the plumbing issues at Michele’s sister’s house feel completely inexplicable by citing damage to the outside plumbing. For example, how did those wet footprints get up the stairs? How did the water suddenly turn colder than the tap water gets in a Texas Summer? The argument that the tragedy that occurred in this pool caused some paranormal activity to ensue seems equally worth entertaining. Especially considering how it all culminated.

Of course, then again, this podcast is no stranger to haunted pipes. Check out It Came up the Drain for more haunted bathroom action!

We hope this monster mashup got you in the spirit of Halloween!

Have you ever seen anything as weird as what Michele saw? What on earth could that have been? Join us on social to weigh in on these important questions. And, if you do have your own haunted bathroom, it’s pretty guaranteed you’ll have a spooky day!

The post What Do We Smell Like To Monsters? appeared first on Homespun Haints.

In this process drawing video, we’ll explain why bathrooms may the place where you’ll most likely see a ghost. Bathroom ghosts appear in folklore from all over the world. For instance, think of Bloody Mary or Hanako-san. They appear in quite a few of our episodes as well. Our guests the Haunted Housewives describe a ghost that comes up the drain, and we ourselves have had plenty of unusual experiences in our own haunted bathrooms.

Check out the video to see some of the psychological and metaphysical reasons your bathroom may have ghosts!

Let us know if you, too, have a bathroom ghost story! Comment on our YouTube channel or in our Facebook group.

Can you think of other reasons your bathroom may be full of ghosts? Maybe people tend to die in bathrooms? Or, perhaps, ghosts just really like relaxing in a hot bath. Reach out and let us know what you think! We’d love to know how to close that trans-dimensional portal next to our toilet.

If you enjoy this, please subscribe to our YouTube channel here!

The post Why are bathrooms haunted? appeared first on Homespun Haints.

Listen right here.

Also, thank you so much to Hillbilly Horror Stories for having us on as guests! They’re another podcast about paranormal, and they interview us in the second half of Episode 253: El Paso High School. If you’ve listened to our first episode, some of the stories we tell may ring a bell. However, Diana tells a story our listeners have NEVER heard before, about the history of the original Hex House in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and her personal connection to it. (Later, we made this full episode out of this story about the Hex House in Tulsa.)

About Tera and Karly

Karly of Titusville, FL, reads tarot, and Tera is a clairsentient medium who reads the Akashic records. You can find Tera on Instagram @theoptimysticoracle, and Karly is @thevillagetarotwitch. But their forces combined make The Haunted Housewives Podcast! And, they’ve just started a YouTube channel; please show them some love and subscribe to it here.

Episode Summary: Scary Bathrooms

Beneath your home, your office, your neighborhood, is a network of pipes we never think about. But sometimes, things get into these pipes. Consequently, sometimes, those things come up the drain, into your home! For instance, the…thing…that surprised Karly while she was sipping wine in the bathtub.

We’ve featured a great deal of people who’ve had weird experiences in washrooms. For example, ourselves. Karly describes the bizarre being she saw in her “sorta haunted house.”

Then, Tera tells us about the ghost…or angel?…SHE saw in the bathroom while moving cross-country as a teen.

Above: The process video showing this episode’s painting in process

Episode Show Notes

The Akashic Records see you when you’re sleeping. They know when you’re awake.

Tera calls it “a database of your life’s journey.” Gaia.com describes them as “the repository of every thought, word, and deed of every living being, good, bad, and awful, in all times; past, present, future.” Becky likens it to the library in the show The Magicians, and she’s pretty spot-on. Except the records don’t exist physically; only on the spiritual plane. What Diana finds interesting about them is the idea that they seem in direct opposition to the Zen concept that “there is only now.” Specifically, that all of the past actually still exists somewhere, on some plane, not just as a flimsy impression in our fallible human memory.

A blanket statement about the blanket octopus

They’re incredibly rare, and incredibly bad-ass. This gorgeous, graceful octopus flies its rainbow flag as a defense. But it also brandishes another sea creature’s tentacles as an offensive weapon! Listen to the episode to learn why this diva of the seas gets the Detachable Penis song stuck in our heads. What a fancy way to have a spooky day!

The post It Came Up The Drain! appeared first on Homespun Haints.

Listen right here:

Episode Summary: Portals in Bathrooms

Being a kid is tough. Being a nerdy art kid staying the night in a haunted museum is even tougher. Diana didn’t know some of the haunted history of the Gilcrease Museum grounds when she started volunteering there as a child, but nothing could have prepared her for the strange thing she saw when she was all alone, at night.

Episode Show Notes

The Gilcrease Museum

The Gilcrease Museum is an art museum focusing on Native American art, founded by Thomas Gilcrease who has his house, and his tomb, on the same grounds as the building that now houses the museum.

Gilcrease himself, a man who became a wealthy oil baron at quite a young age, garnered quite a reputation for his philanthropy and art collection. We discuss him at length in the episode, but if you’d like an overview, take a look at the museum’s history page.

And, if you’d like to see the map of the grounds that Diana references in the episode, you can find it here.

Bathroom Portals

So, we admit we get a little wacky in this episode. Inter-dimensional portals that somehow appear in bathrooms? Running into trees in our living room? We swear we were sober when we recorded this.

We do have some vindication, however. In the past few decades, more and more physicists have entertained the idea that there are invisible portals that connect different dimensions, magnetic fields, and worlds. We just have a hard time seeing them.

In 2011, Harvard professor Lisa Randall published a book, Knocking on Heaven’s Door, where she describes unseen extra dimensions that exist alongside our own. Smithsonian has a great article about it.

If these dimensions exist, then can they be accessed? Perhaps through black holes, explains Now. Or, more interestingly, perhaps we already know where some of them are. At least, in the case of magnetic portals, as described by this study from NASA.

And, let’s not forget about the blog in London that attempts to document inter-dimensional portals that its residents keep bumping into.

But why do this podcast’s hosts seem to fall into these portals while in the bathroom? What do you think?

One thing’s for sure; falling off the potty into a bathroom portal in a haunted house is a surefire way to have a spooky day.

The post Teleporting with Toilets appeared first on Homespun Haints.