(In case you missed it, check out the first succubus blog here for definitions, an account of her cultural evolution, and a male perspective on her threat (or desirability) level as a paranormal entity.)

What is a succubus?

The succubus is a female sex demon. Perhaps she appears as a voluptuous young woman. Or perhaps as an old hag. Sometimes she appears as a disgusting monster. And sometimes as a terrifying monster—who is also somehow alluring. The underlying feature, of course, is that the succubus doesn’t appear as what she really is.

Can a succubus be male or female?

Let’s bridge back to the theory Ren introduced in the previous succubus blog article: that the succubus and incubus (male sex demon) are, in actuality, the same gender-fluid creature, taking the form that most suits their victim. But that begs the question…what really suits their victim?

Another succubus blog article for pride month!

In honor of pride month, let’s re-examine each of the proposed motives for—uh, succubism—and how they might work when a succubus attacks an unsuspecting lesbian.

Motive #1: Sex drive

The least popularly cited motive of the succubus was to please herself. Remember, succubi harken back to a time when women were expected to lack a strong sex drive, so this type of self-gratifying attack was seen as monstrous. “A female with desires?! Terrifying!” Obviously not an issue for lesbians, then or now. So, if this is consensual gland-to-gland combat, done and done.

If however, self-gratification is the goal of the succubus at the expense of her unwilling victim, paddling the pink canoe is going to be a little trickier to pull off with a lesbian victim. Hands and teeth make handy defensive weapons, which implies that the succubus would have to rely more on seduction than brute force to get into melee range effectively.

Motive #2: Corrupting the pious

What about corrupting the pious as motive? This is the most “yeah, suuuuure” scenario among the four. If a truly pious person is violated against their will, surely they know that’s not their own fault, and they’d be absolved of the aspect of sin involved, right? It sounds more like a closet case’s excuse to get to know a girl in the biblical sense. ”I swear, I didn’t have a choice! She must’ve been a succubus!” 

Motive #3: Stealing life force

One of the most common motivations cited is to steal a person’s life force by draining sexual energy. This seems to pretty much rule out succubus-on-lesbian hot yoga action right here. While it may be on-point to say that human males could be drained of energy through getting the kettle mended, females are physiologically different. Specifically, blood flow remains—or even increases—in and around the female chamber of secrets after a successful confringo spell. If auditioning the finger puppets isn’t too exhausting, hitting the upvote button often imbues more energy. This is why females more often have multiples, until exhausted from the workout.

But the workout aspect could theoretically be pretty minimal. Let’s be honest, having a sexy demon lady make a surprise attack on your pink fortress would be one of those “I’m just going to lie here and not ask questions” situations, no? I’d propose that, if a succubus in female form hits up a femme lesbian for a box lunch exclusively for the purpose of draining her of energy, that succubus will go to sleep still hungry that night. 

Motive #4: Procreation

If however, as cited in the first article, the succubus’ main goal is to procreate, then one would think the victim’s preference would have no bearing on the succubus’ appearance. Or would it? The original legend of succubi collecting trouser gravy stemmed from the theory that demons cannot reproduce on their own. In order to reproduce, the succubus makes a collection by playing two-ball in the middle pocket with a human male. Then, she will either shape-shift into an incubus, or pass the pearl jam off to a separate incubus (who I guess has a 2-way bacon bazooka?). Finally, the incubus will visit a human female and deposit the satchel syrup, fertilizing an egg. Somehow, this very normal human-human zygote combo doesn’t result in the classic pregnancy. The exchange method itself taints the population paste. Voilà, a bat in the cave.

Our modern concept of reproduction has grown well beyond just bringing the al-dente noodle to the spaghetti house, however. The Succubus could drop the baby batter off at a sperm bank, for example. (Psh, does she even need an incubus nowadays?) But if she truly is a shape-shifter, AND the (more modern) incarnation of her victim’s fantasies, she could simply play a game of Mr. Wobbly hides his helmet with a straight human male, and then visit a lesbian while in her same female form to deposit the ranch dressing in the hidden valley.

Also, being adept at shape-shifting, she could use literally any body part to make the deposit; no need for a bologna pony. And completely on the DL, at that. That has to be the most confounding encounter, like, ever.

Let’s picture that for a second.

How to make a demon baby unwittingly

Imagine you’re a lesbian looking for a good time (this is easier done if you are a lesbian, trust). You’re at the club with a group of friends, when an insanely hot goth girl asks you to dance. She’s got such an air of confidence and dominance, that you don’t mind her hokey ceramic fangs, blacklight-responsive red contact lenses, and horned headband. Her energy is dark, mysterious, and tempting. You feel like you almost can’t resist when she, without even asking, follows you home. She pulls you by the hand to your own bed, throws you down, and dials the rotary phone for hours. Then, she disappears into the night as you doze off. 

A few weeks later, you realize you’re several days late checking into the Red Roof Inn. You weren’t really watching out for this, and your mind doesn’t leap to being up the duff, ‘cause, you know, lesbianism. But a few months later, you can no longer deny what’s happening. Racking your brain for some explanation, you come up baffled. There was never even a time when you could’ve been roofied. 

You see your doctor for an ultrasound, and there’s the inexplicable proof…you’re harboring a fugitive. The ultrasound technician attempts to cover up her shocked gasp, as the scanner picks up 2 extra limbs, protruding from the fetus’ shoulder blades. And is that a spiked TAIL? Then, before your eyes, the form absorbs its extra appendages, and shapeshifts into a normal human fetus. 

At least your mother will be thrilled, until it grows into the Antichrist.

Keep your eyes peeled for another succubus blog, coming soon…until then, have a spooky day!